Gareth Bale – Tottenham Hotspur to Real Madrid for a rumoured $200m. This is basically a done deal, for all of Tottenham’s posturing, this deal was done months ago, as Tottenham have proved by spending the best part of $970b in the transfer market on all manner of players. Likelihood Rating: 99% (saving the 1% for Gareth Bale – Tottenham to Manchester United)

Cristiano Ronaldo – Real Madrid to Manchester United estimated at $160m. Whilst logically Real Madrid could fund much of the fee for 24 year old Bale by selling 29 year old Ronaldo to United, it seems the age of galacticos is coming back at the Santiago Bernabeu stadium, and Ronaldo will be at Madrid for at least another year. Likelihood Rating: 33%

Cesc Fabgregas – Barcelona to Manchester United for c. $80m. I can’t see this happening this month, however if Fabregas is still a bench bunny in January, he may well move. Likelihood Rating: 25%

Wayne Rooney – Manchester United to Chelsea for rumoured $70m. Rooney is going nowhere, United won’t be selling one of their top players to one of their biggest rivals. With Rooney putting in a superb performance when United played Chelsea, he’s laid down a marker that says “I’m staying here” Likelihood Rating: 25% (33% if United sign Ronaldo)

Baines & Fellaini – Everton to Manchester United for combined $80m. Baillaini as I’ve just christened them, are definitely going to be plying their trade at Old Trafford by the end of the window. They might not be the super heroes that many United fans will desire, but their Premiership pedigree is not in doubt. Likelihood Rating: 100%

Ozil and / or Benzema and / or Di Maria – Real Madrid to Arsenal for frankly anyone’s guess. Arsenal have done so little business in this years transfer window, they are delighted to announce the free re-signing of AC Milan’s Mathieu Flamini, so they are being linked to many players. Of these, Di Maria is the most likely to be the deal done, at a rating of 50%

And a summary of the rest of the big ones….

Luis Suarez – Liverpool to Arsenal (0%) or Real Madrid (33%).
Kaka – Real Madrid to Arsenal (25%), Manchester United (0%), Liverpool (50%)
Fernando Torres – Chelsea to Atletico Madrid (50%)
Demba Ba – Chelsea to Newcastle (75%)
Javier Hernandez – Manchester United to Tottenham (10%)
Iker Casillas – Real Madrid to PSG (10%)
Eliaquim Mangala – Porto to Manchester United (50% but hope it does as UK soccer fans will have loads of fun with his firstname!)

The more ludicrous rumour which simply will not go away is that Cristiano Ronaldo (CR7) is definitely going back to Manchester United because Antonio Valencia has given up the number 7 shirt in favour of 25. For some hacks, the contract is as good as written.

One player United will be buying is Everton’s Manchester based comedy wig seller’s dream Marouane Fellaini, whilst publically Everton are saying very little, what they are saying is that United won’t get him cheap. In EPL terms that means “United are buying him and we can nibbled a few extra million out of them”

Manchester United’s latest EPL odds 2013 / 2014 are $3.50 where they find themselves behind both Chelsea ($3.25) and Manchester City ($3.25) in the betting.

Chelsea meanwhile along with self publicist manager Jose Mourinho seem to have switched attention away from Wayne Rooney towards the athleticism of Samuel Eto’o. Eto’o's (?) club, the aforementioned Anzhi Makhachkala are having somewhat of a clear out after deciding to downgrade their annual spending by about 90%. Eto’o, believed to be the world’s second best paid player behind Messi (or Ronaldo depending which newspaper you read), is said to be keen to join in former Inter boss at Stamford Bridge.

Roma striker and Italy international Pablo Osvaldo is the latest player said to be interesting Tottenham, who are said to be close to a $30m deal. Spurs seem to be spending the Gareth Bale money before he has even been sold, which surely puts Real Madrid (or Manchester United if believe in fairies and goblins) in a stronger bargaining position. Spurs have never been big spenders, but are dealing out flipping great wodges of cash to teams all over Europe.

Keep check on who has gone where with our EPL transfer watch feature.

Quick summary of the rest of the gossip:

Arsenal to switch attention to Swansea’s Michu if their pursuit of Luiz Suarez fails, which it will do.

Arsenal to buy Swansea defender Ashley Williams in a $20m deal, so they can save money on the delivery charge by shipping him along with Michu.

West Ham striker Modibo Maiga (no I hadn’t either) is to be loaned to 1990′s pop band St Etienne, as Big Sam tries to buy Hugo Almeida from Besiktas.

David Luiz is not joining Barcelona from Chelsea, as Jose Mourinho has issued a hands off warning. He clearly pays attention to them, and respects the position of a club who say a player is not for sale. So expect Barcelona to make a public statement that it is “Luiz or bust” and talk to every available member of the press about how important it is that Luiz gets first team football in his desired position in a World Cup season.

Monaco are strongly rumoured to be preparing a $160m bid for Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo and are prepared to offer a staggering $40m per year package! This story has some foundation, however, with Barcelona announcing the capture of Neymar, giving them two marquee players, we can’t see Real Madrid letting Ronaldo leave, even if they do sign Gareth Bale, as is widely expected. Whilst Monaco and PSG can certainly outbid Manchester United, it seems Ronaldo would prefer a move back to Manchester United, if he moves anywhere at all. We don’t think he is going anywhere and will be a Madrista next season.

Meanwhile Manchester United can be bouyed by the news that Borussia Dortmund are seemingly unwilling to sell Robert Lewandowski to Bayern Munich. United have been long time admirers of the Polish international and are said to be lining up a serious bid for the player. Dortmund are however playing a dangerous game as Lewandowski could just see out the remaining year of his contract and join whoever he likes at the end of next season. This rumour has been bubbling along for many months, and with new manager David Moyes seeing rivals City already securing Fernandinho and Jesus Navas, United need to move in the market. Our bet is that Lewandowski will be a United player by the start of the 2013 /2014 season.

The odds on Manchester United winning the Premier League have drifted ever so slightly, with Chelsea and Manchester City both shortening. So value hunters who fancy United might be best placed to get a bet on early at odds of $3.00 (in from $2.88) before they sign a couple of big players.

Super fast update on the rest of the gossip.

Former AC Milan midfielder Massimo Ambrosini seems to be on his way to West Ham United, with the 36 year old expected to sign a 2 year contract. Our verdict – done deal.

Newcastle United are considering taking Darren Bent from Aston Villa who has been told he is surplus to bench warming requirements next season. Our verdict – a sure thing, the dug out seats at St James’ look much comfier than those at Villa Park.

Tottenham Hotspur manager Andre Villas-Boas is being linked with a big money move to Paris St Germain, after Mourinho moved to Chelsea and Guus Hiddink decided to stay at Anzhi Makaakach….Makhakkacha….Anzhi Makhahaka….that Russian club he is manager of. Our verdict – he’s going nowhere.

And finally, despite being linked almost every day with a move to Barcelona, Side Show Bob look-a-like, and 10 year old on a playstation controlled, David Luiz looks set to move absolutely nowhere after being told he is central to Jose Mourinho’s plans. Central being the operative word, as The Happy One has apparently told Luiz that he either plays where Mourinho tells him to play or he gets sold.

Chelsea are priced at odd of $3.10 to win the 2014 EPL, which we think is just a little bit too short, given that The Pessimistic One is already talking abut winning it the following season.

Luis Suarez is being linked with a move to Real Madrid, who appear to be doing their utmost to sign every top player thay can, now that rivals Barcelona have secured the services of Neymar. Suarez, who has a less than savoury reputation in England is now talking about “a change of environment” and is understood to be asking for almost $300,000 per week in wages! This one could be a very realistic proposition, however I struggle to see where the Madristas are going to play him.

Suarez’s Uruguay are in action on Thursday against France, where he might be lining up against arch nemesis Patrice Evra again. Uruguay are $2.25 whilst France are $3.00. A draw is an attractive $3.30 and is where our money is going.

The future of Wayne Rooney is also less than clear, gossip seems to link him to a big money move to PSG, however, the installation of David Moyes as the new Manchester United manager might chnage that. Certainly within United circles the club seems to be trying hard to keep Rooney, whereas the fans seem to want him to leave. We think Rooney will still be a United player come the start of next season.

Rooney is likely to be in action in the new Maracana, as Brazil take on England on Monday morning. Brazil are priced at a very short $1.57 with England available at odds of $5.50. England don’t look like they have much idea recently and the 1-1 draw against Ireland was an example of the insipid performamces they have put in recently. There is no value backing Brazil outright, but backing Brazil half time and Brazil full time is a decent $2.40 bet.

Back in Madrid, President Florentino Perez has slapped a €1billion price tag on the head of forward Cristiano Ronaldo, however we have heard posturing like this before from Perez, so Ronaldo to Manchester United or PSG is still an outside possibility a far as we are concerned.

Portugal take on Russia on Saturday, and are heavy favourites at $1.91, we quite like the Russian team and will be betting on them at $3.80.

Finally Australia travel to Japan for a soccer game on Tuesday, and it shows how far Japan’s star (or sun) has risen in world football (or how far the Aussies have fallen) than Japan are no better than $1.83 with Australia a big $4.00. Sad as I am, I cannot see the Aussies pulling of a victory in this one.

Gareth Bale continues to be linked with a big money move to Real Madrid, I can’t help thinking that Tottenham will cash in on their dive-a-lot golden boy this year. This one will run and run, but will end up with Bale playing for the King of Spain next season.

The book on the next Manchester City manager is pretty much a done deal with Manuel Pelligrini priced at an uber short $1.05. Jose Mourinho is priced at $11.00 but it is an open secret that he is going to Chelsea, so Pelligrini it is then!

You can get a slightly better price on the almost as certain Roberto Martinez to be the next Everton manager at odds of $1.17, with Neil Lennon available at a massive $13.00, again, it looks like a sure thing for Martinez to swap pies for toffees.

Back with Real Madrid, who intend to fight off the amourouse advances of Manchester United for their superstar Cristiano Ronaldo by making him “the best paid player in the world”. Ronaldo was widely understood to to be keen on a return to United, however with the retirement of Fergie and that fat Madrid cheque book being wafted under his nose, we think he’ll stay exacty where he is.

Ajax’s 21 year old midfielder Christian Eriksen looks set to turn his back on interest from Manchester United and Liverpool by joining Borussia Dortmund in a bargain £10m deal. Eriksen would be a direct replacement for Bayern Munich bound Mario Gotze, and looks like great business if they can pull it off.

And finally there cannot be a day goes by over the next 2 months where Manchester City are not linked with one big money signing or another. Today is is the turn of Galatasaray’s Brazilian midfielder Felipe Melo to be linked with a move to The Etihad Stadium. Melo who has been capped 22 times by Brazil is thought to be available for approximately £15m. We think this is just gossip whipped up by an agent, and won’t go anywhere.